


Trixie L and Starlight: Abacus

by JRS_1975



Category: My Little Pony: Equestria Girls, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Gen, Randy Feltface, Sammy J and Randy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23200111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JRS_1975/pseuds/JRS_1975
Summary: Apartment roommates Trixie and Starlight are running low on savings, and they need some urgent financial help.  They ultimately find it in the most unlikely of sources.
Relationships: Starlight Glimmer/Trixie Lulamoon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Trixie L and Starlight: Abacus

**Author's Note:**

> This sketch was based on a sketch done by Sammy J and Randy on "Good News World".   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WrcfTCWr1U

_(We open on an exterior shot of an average American apartment. A short version of the “My Little Pony” theme song plays in the background but has been given a sitcom feel to it. Cut to the living room inside the suite belonging to Trixie and Starlight Glimmer. Trixie and Starlight enter through the front door of their suite, laughing and carrying bags. They have probably gone mall shopping.)_

**TRIXIE:** So he says, “Take your Princess Diana commemorative spoon and get out of my crematorium!” 

_(They both laugh at the last joke that Starlight said, while they set their bags down on the floor. After three seconds, Starlight manages to speak up for Trixie to tell the rest of the story, although talking through stifled laughter.)_

**STARLIGHT:** And what did you say to him? 

_(Trixie makes a mocking gesture known as cocking a snook while blowing a raspberry. At that last punchline, they both burst out laughing. After five seconds of laughter, they both start to compose themselves. Trixie speaks up and adds to the subject that they were supposedly talking about earlier.)_

**TRIXIE:** My point is, Starlight, we need to start reining in our spending. 

**STARLIGHT:** Why? 

_(Trixie holds up three fingers.)_

**TRIXIE:** Three words, Starlight. 

_(She then holds up each finger as she says each word.)_

**TRIXIE:** Impending global economic crisis. 

_(Starlight, confused, counts the words on her fingers.)_

**STARLIGHT:** That’s four words. 

**TRIXIE:** Yeah, I threw in a bonus word. 

**STARLIGHT:** Oh, thank you. 

**TRIXIE:** You’re welcome. 

_(Trixie goes over to one of her bags.)_

**TRIXIE:** Now. To help us keep track of our finances, I’ve taken the liberty of purchasing us an abacus. 

_(She reaches in with both hands and grabs the “abacus”.)_

**STARLIGHT:** _(Interested)_ Oh. 

_(Trixie pulls out something that is definitely not an abacus. It’s a platypus. She holds him in her arms like she’s cradling a baby, with the animal laying on his tummy. Starlight is confused.)_

**STARLIGHT:** That’s not an abacus. That’s a platypus. 

_(Beat.)_

**TRIXIE:** What’s an abacus again? 

**STARLIGHT:** It’s, like, a wooden frame with-with beads on it for counting. 

**TRIXIE:** Yeah, that’s what I asked for. 

**STARLIGHT:** Well, where’d you get it? 

**TRIXIE:** The toy shop. 

**STARLIGHT:** Really? 

_(Trixie walks over to the kitchen counter to set the platypus down.)_

**TRIXIE:** Well, I started at the toy shop, but it was closed, so I sort of worked my way down Main Street. 

_(She opens a cabinet underneath the sink and pulls out dish towels, while still holding on to the platypus.)_

**STARLIGHT:** Where’d you end up? 

_(Trixie sets the dishtowels down on the counter next to the sink, and then gently set the platypus down.)_

**TRIXIE:** The local zoo. 

**STARLIGHT:** And you asked them for an abacus? 

**TRIXIE:** Yeah. But, like, I was pretty tired by then. I-I was probably mumbling. 

**STARLIGHT:** Wha…? How much was it? 

_(Trixie hesitates for a second and then answers Starlight’s question.)_

**TRIXIE:** Uh…several thousand dollars. 

**STARLIGHT:** What?! 

**TRIXIE:** Plus, I had to pay for the permit. 

**STARLIGHT:** What permit? 

**TRIXIE:** The permit to keep a platypus. 

**STARLIGHT:** Wha—and that didn’t tip you off that this is not actually an abacus? 

**TRIXIE:** Well, by that stage, I’d already paid for the platypus. 

**STARLIGHT:** Why didn’t you ask for your money back? 

**TRIXIE:** I was in too deep. 

_(Starlight lets out an exasperated and stressed sigh, pinching the glabella.)_

**STARLIGHT:** Trixie, how are we supposed to save money when you go out and spend it all on platypuses?! 

_(She motions towards the platypus, relaxing on the dish towels that Trixie laid out for him.)_

**PLATYPUS:** Platypi. 

_(Starlight jumps after the platypus suddenly starts speaking. Trixie flinches at the same thing.)_

**TRIXIE:** _(To the platypus)_ What? 

**PLATYPUS:** The plural of platypus is “platypi”. 

**STARLIGHT:** It’s not. It’s “platypuses”. 

**PLATYPUS:** I think I’d know. 

**TRIXIE:** Sorry, I’m gonna have to step in here. Uh, “platypi” does sound more scientific, but in truth, it’s just an incorrect colloquialism, so Starlight was actually right. 

**PLATYPUS:** The early settlers called us “duck moles”. 

**TRIXIE:** Fascinating. 

_(Trixie turns her attention to Starlight.)_

**TRIXIE:** Starlight, we’re hurtling towards a recession, the dollar is losing value rapidly, and we need to start some serious financial planning. 

_(Trixie claps the back of her right hand on the palm of her left hand at each of the last three words she said. Starlight sighs, stressed.)_

**STARLIGHT:** Okay, what do you suggest? 

**TRIXIE:** Well, from now on, every time we spend a dollar, we’ve got to come home and make a note of it on the abacus. 

_(She pokes the platypus.)_

**PLATYPUS:** OW!! 

**TRIXIE:** Oh! Sorry. 

**STARLIGHT:** That…that’s a platypus. 

**TRIXIE:** I forgot for a second. 

**PLATYPUS:** Have you considered a fixed-term deposit? 

**TRIXIE:** Sorry, hon. We’re just trying to sort out our finances. 

**STARLIGHT:** Yeah, shut up! 

_(Trixie turns her attention back to Starlight.)_

**TRIXIE:** We’ve gotta plan for the future, Starlight. 

**PLATYPUS:** If you’re looking for a buffer against the uncertainty of global markets, you do a lot worse than a saving maximizer. 

_(The two girls become annoyed and exasperated with the platypus.)_

**TRIXIE:** _(Annoyed)_ Shhhhhh! God!! 

_(Trixie turns her attention back to Starlight again.)_

**TRIXIE:** We’ve got to be smart about this, Starlight. I think we need professional advice. 

**PLATYPUS:** I’m a chartered accountant. 

**TRIXIE:** Oh…!!! 

**STARLIGHT: WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?!!!**

**TRIXIE:** What would you know about finances?! 

**PLATYPUS:** I’ve held an extensive property portfolio for a decade, I’ve got more than $5 million in assets, and I’m the only platypus to ever make it onto the BRW Rich List. 

**TRIXIE:** Where’d you come in at? 

**PLATYPUS:** 36\. 

**STARLIGHT:** Pssh. Whatever. 

**PLATYPUS:** Look. I’m trying to tell you that this is my specific area of expertise. And if you’ll just listen to me for a second—

 _(Trixie interrupts the platypus, having had enough of putting up with him.)_

**TRIXIE:** I’ll put you in the car and drive you back to the zoo! Is that what you want?! 

**PLATYPUS:** Yes. 

_(Trixie, realizing that she has lost most of her money, changes her attitude from anger and exasperation to defeat.)_

**TRIXIE:** Well, I don’t have enough money for petrol. 

**STARLIGHT:** Yeah, you’re-you’re just gonna have to sleep in the sink. 

**PLATYPUS:** _(aggravated)_ AWWWWW! 

**TRIXIE:** I hate you so much! 

**PLATYPUS:** Well, you should have bought an abacus. 


End file.
